Silence and Cold-Shoulder Approach – Silent Killers of Relationships

They say that silence is better than an argument, because it will avoid more trouble which is possible, if both are speaking. Many people will say it is, and some will say it isn't.  Most of the times, we express what we feel or what we wanted to say to the person concerned. However, other people, especially men, choose to stay silent in times of conflicts or misunderstandings.

There are many kinds of relationship; employer-employee, partnerships, parent-child relationship, etc., but here, I will deal with the basic, the man and wife’s.

Usually, at the beginning of relationship before marriage, there is already that bonding in between two persons. The “knowing me” stage is in progress but the exposure of one’s personality is just skin deep, or maybe deeper, but the control factor is strong.

Marriage is a bit different, because here, they are together day and night. Little things about each other show, one way or another. The control factor is slipping away everyday because familiarity is starting to grow. These small things might be good, or the opposite; habits, mannerisms, likes, dislikes, and other things are revealed. More than these traits mentioned are the attitudes when something happens, especially in times of misunderstandings or conflicts, which is normal in a relationship.

Usually, it is the man who keeps his silence after some attempts of explaining; the wife is allowed to express her sentiments but in deaf ears, maybe the situation is the other way around; the man is the one talking and the wife is not; or, another scene, both are in a shouting match. Which is better? Nothing is. Why? Silence is not good, so does, the shouting.

When one of the partners uses silence for whatever reasons he or she has, the result is not good; he or she is bottling something that are not expressed. This ‘something’ if kept for long will hamper the bonds; it will ‘eat up’ the insides of both; the one who is silent, and the one who is given the cold shoulder.

That is why, in my other articles, I wrote about having house rules at the very start of marriage or even before that; maybe like a pre-nuptial agreement. The bonds of the relationship will be tested during these ‘trials’. The man and wife’s relationship might grow stronger, or it might be the start of loosening the tie.

Here are some tips which can help ‘ease’ the situation if it comes

•          Break the silence. After some time, a few hours maybe (but not a day, it might be too long for reconciliation), just a simple greeting to break the ice like “Hi, are you okay?" 

•      Swallow your pride. This is the worst enemy of everyone, this culprit called “pride.” Don’t let it become a wall between you. Be the first one to greet (any of you two).

•           Talk like you’re best of friends. When the water is cool, grab the chance to straighten things out. It is not a duty of one but the commitment of both. Remember, don’t count each one’s shortcomings, but talk about what causes the conflict. Both are just getting to know each other well. Let each one feel that arguments and misunderstandings are part of the process. Talking like best friends allow each other  to express what one wanted and needed.

•           Don’t let the sun sets on your quarrels. This is a worn line but true and effective. Don’t let an argument separate you from each other; in meals and especially, in sleep. New married couple reaches the deepest level of commitment during the time when their body unites. It is not just sex, but the union of body, heart and mind…even soul, as the romantic ones would say.

Conflicts in a relationship are natural, but don’t make it become a normalcy. A relationship has to undergo misunderstandings, so that discussions will take place. Expressing one’s feelings and sharing one’s thoughts and dreams deepen the relationship and strengthen the tie that binds the two individual into one person – a better person, that is.

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How Internet Widens My Horizon

Before the emergence of internet, life is okay and neat. There is the post office for mails, although you have to resort to other mail senders if you want the mail to reach the recipients faster, but you have to pay more for the difference in time and service. You can call and communicate with your friends and loved ones in faraway places as long as you’re prepared to see your phone bills increased by folds. You can research in library and take days or weeks to finish your reports …and so on and so forth.

However, the flow of everyday life has changed dramatically since the inception of internet. The conventional ways of transactions, be it business, social, personal, etc. seem so long ago, like a part of ancient history. Everything changed. Everybody blend easily to the “climate change” of the way the communication and other things have progressed. These all were brought about by the miracle they called “internet.”

How internet widens my world? Here are just some of them:

·           Communication. I can talk with my relatives and friends without spending any penny in it. As long as you have the PC and connected to the internet, you can talk as long as you want, to your heart’s content. If there is no personal computer, cell phone will do. The modern services that internet providers offer make everything so accessible and feasible.

·          Social interaction. Although it could be included in communication, it is a bit different in the sense that internet users find friends and even lifetime partners through the social sites which sprouted like mushrooms when internet becomes the trend. The difference lies in the fact that these friends are total strangers and they only meet in web.

·          Business transactions. This is the most important sector that internet has helped. You can transact business and create deals anywhere around the globe within minutes, and even from the comfort of your home.

The invention of ATM’s, eBooks, emails, etc.  are few of the modern methods brought by internet. These modern electronic ways make transactions easy and faster, also save time and money. Furthermore, and maybe the most important thing, having these all make everyone satisfied and happy.

·          Online jobs. For the employers and employees, internet allows them to make money online without the restriction of time and place. Even the mothers and unemployed are given the opportunity to find jobs and make money from their homes.

·          Education. Today, pursuing your studies is available online. You can finish your degree from your home. This distant education inspired the undergraduates or even the graduates for furthering their career.

·          Research. Be it business or thesis, anything that you wanted to search, they’re just fingertips away. You can learn so many things in a matter of minutes.

·          Visiting places away from home. Sitting in your office or in your home, you can visit and see places which you never did and maybe never will. Seeing them and going from one place to another is a journey that money cannot even equate.

Looking back to the times before the birth of the internet, it seems not only eons away, but also the realization, that we can’t imagine living today without having internet into our lives - even how simple our life is.